"I love you but I'm not in love with you."
GUEST: KIMILE PENDLETON
FROM: HEAL THE FAMILY NOW
Ever hear this before? "I love you but I'm not in love with you." What does that really mean and how to handle it.
When someone tells you they love you but they are not in love with you they are distinguishing between two separate feelings and NEITHER of them is LOVE! When they say "I love you" it means they care about you. Not being "in love" with you means they are not excited about you anymore. Caring is a good thing and being concerned is also a good thing but it is different than love. I care about the homeless but I do not love them.
Being excited about someone is also a good thing but it is different than love. I could be excited to have a relationship with my favorite singer or jazz player but that doesn't mean I love them. This business of loving without being in love is confusing for the person feeling this way and for the person hearing this too.
Love is a verb. Love is an action. Love is not a feeling you get from another person it is an experience you receive as a result of things YOU DO FOR ANOTHER person. These acts are not in secret - there is no mystery of who you are loving when you are acting lovingly toward another person. There are specific things you can do with your partner to solve this love and in love quandrey and work on your relationship to bring back an experience of love. Just like there are physical laws of the universe like gravity, there are also laws for relationships to make them work. There are specific habits that if you do them with each other it will make your relationship stronger. It is cause and effect. The results are predictable... you can MAKE love happen.
When I have clients tell me they love their partner but they are not "in love" with them I ask them to tell me what they have done today to DEMONSTRATE their love for their partner? I hear the same thing over and over - nothing. People get defensive. I tell them this line is a COP OUT. What they are really saying is that they have no clue how to make a relationship last long term and they are ready to jump to another relationship to get "high" from another short term romance. Who ever they are "in love" with at the moment will eventually hear "I love you, but i am not in love with you."
To contact Kimile visit her website at www.HealTheFamilyNow.com