Rich’s Quickie: A beloved book is slaughtered onscreen; and the movie is not all that great, either.Heaven: Fun, comedic and quickly paced, this first in a no-doubt series of movies based on the Percy Jackson books will likely make money and insult your intelligence (and yes, even your kids’ intelligence), at the same time. Unfortunately, more doesn’t work in this lively tale than does work, about a hybrid child of Greek God and a human, who is accused of stealing the Lightning Bolt of Zeus, and the calamity that ensues. Very much Harry Potter with a sword, young demigod Percy finds out there is more to him than meets the eye and we get to discover his abilities along with him, as our eyes are opened to a secret world full of mythical beasts and adventure.
Hades: Aside from the fact that parts of the book are either not in the movie or there in some twisted form, or that whole portions of the movie are not in the book, the movie itself is so fraught with storytelling problems it’s hard to know where to begin.
If you know much about Greek mythology, you’ll have to forget most of it (like our main characters do who should know better – they don’t even know who Charon, the ferryman of the river Styx is? Hell, even I knew that, and that’s only because I listened to Chris de Burgh in the ‘80s!); as the movie reinvents mythology to serve its own purposes. Meanwhile, our hero Percy Jackson deals with finding out of this news of being a demigod and all pretty well, settling into his newfound glory way too easily and quickly. Again, the book did a better job of explaining things, but in the movie you’ll just have to make up your own reasons up for why Percy (played by Logan Lerman), is suspected of being the Lightning Thief in the first place when he had no idea who or what he was prior to the theft, or why people don’t immediately suspect Luke (played by Jake Abel) son of the Trickster who admits to stealing things form his own dad, or why his mother allowed Percy to believe his whole life he was dyslexic and ADD (for his own good I’m sure). Additionally, those “flaws” -- key elements of Percy in the book – are too-quickly dispensed with in the movie, as he easily gets over these shortcomings and becomes a mythical superhero too quickly. There’s no learning curve here for us to relate to, or from which our hero learns lessons; he’s adept in this new world way too quickly. Add plot inconsistencies even your kid will pick up on (including problems with Medusa played by Uma Thurman, doing her best Poison Ivy), and this thing will just BUG you in its foolishness. It also has a BIG problem with tone, suffering as it does from what I call the “Thundarr the Barbarian Syndrome”. Remember that cartoon on Saturday mornings, wherein a barbarian named Thundarr brandished a huge sword that he never actually HURT anyone with? Same thing here; our heroes quickly hack away at each other in training sessions, but no one ever really gets hurt; it’s a kids’ movie after all… at least until our hero BEHEADS A BAD GUY WITHOUT A MOMENT OF DOUBT. Then, there’s no real peril to our heroes, being a kids’ movie; until OUR HEROES DESCEND INTO HELL WERE WE’RE TOLD ALL SOULS GO TO LIVE IN ETERNAL TORMENT. All is well at the end as order is restored, until a scene deep into the credits when our young hero KILLS HIS STEPFATHER FOR BEING A JERK. Funny, huh?
No, it’s not; and it’ll have your eyes rolling as surely as the beheaded Medusa – whose eyes reliably open whenever you need them to, even though they were closed after Percy cuts her head off. There’s more stuff to bug you, but luckily it’s so breezy you’ll likely enjoy it at first… until you go home and think about it.
Movie Grade: C-MPAA: Rated PG for action violence and peril, some scary images and suggestive material, and mild language.
Director: Chris Columbus
Writers: Craig Titley (screenplay), and Rick Riordan (novel)
